The holidays tend to get us thinking back about childhood memories.
In one of our most popular podcast episodes, we meet Bo, who discovered his neurodivergence well into adulthood. He shared with me how so many of his own memories from childhood make more sense now that he has this new framework.
Relationship memories are influenced by how they are interpreted in the moment. Combined they create a narrative about your relationship.
When you discover that one of you is neurodivergent, it is healing to review past memories through this new lens. Updated memories equal new relationship narrative. Many people are afraid to update their narrative, though, because this requires openness to learning.
The number one fear that is expressed to me by neurotypical partners who book consultations for coaching is “I can’t let myself feel hope.”
I will tell you what I tell them. Hope is not necessary. Updating your memories with a new framework doesn’t require hope - it simply involves a willingness to learn something new about your partner. It also means you are willing to learn some new things about yourself about what you are bringing to the relationship, too.
Many people falsely believe that hope is necessary for new insights and change in a relationship. It isn’t.
The number one fear expressed by neurodivergents is “I don’t want to be blamed as the problem for our relationship.”
My answer to this is that no one partner is ever to blame in a relationship when both partners are capable, motivated, and willing. Neurodiversity is never “the sole reason” a relationship fails. It is a huge factor, but if a relationship absolutely cannot be salvaged, there are many factors.
Truthfully, you can’t go wrong by entering coaching with me if you are motivated and willing to learn. You can’t get hurt by learning. Information and knowledge will give you clarity and wisdom to make informed choices for yourself and for your relationship.
Let me know when you are ready.
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